My Story
"To know if even one life has breathed easier because you lived, is to be a success."
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
Life is a tricky thing, there is no guidebook, no map. We are birthed into this imperfect world and ushered into the ways of our culture. For some, they accept our world the way it is, and begin to fit themselves into their own little facet of it. For others, the tumults of childhood hardly end. They find themselves stuck in a world for which they have no explanation. The contrast of light and dark, good and ill, joy and sorrow, crash upon them like a tidal wave of confusion. My story begins in the latter category. My earliest memories I remember, as a toddler, chasing butterflies through the lawn. Sunbeams adorning their wings, like little angels. I recall bath time with my mother, followed by her chasing me around the house in an attempt to get me to wear clothes. These experiences fill my memory with joy and contentment. In addition to that however, I recall the confusion. Wherever I went, I could sense the energies and thoughts of the people around me. As I stepped into their state of consciousness, I felt their pain, depression, fear, worry, and anger. As a child of no more than 2 or 3, this shock to my being sent me into recoil. My yet developing mind was unable to grasp what I was experiencing. Yet questions arose nonetheless. For how could people suffer so intensely? How could they live with themselves in such darkness? Perhaps the beauty I saw everywhere wasn't real? Perhaps the world is full of darkness? I remember on my fourth birthday, looking up into the sky after facing this dilemma and deciding that no matter what, I would do whatever I could do to make a difference in this world. These ideas nestled themselves deep into my consciousness, to be explored at a later date.
Prone to overwhelming obsessions from toddlerhood, I sat in my crib with dozens of books scattered all around. Books about tractors, airplanes and dinosaurs were the single pointed focus of my attention. With my sidekick Molly (the family cat), I created my own world to live in. One of dinosaurs roaming free, great adventures to be had, and discoveries to be made. Years sped by, into preschool and kindergarten, I found it difficult to make friends. Kids in my grade generally kept a safe distance from me, and I, while somewhat hurt by their aloofness, generally found myself the steward and friend of the other unpopular children. My closest friend through these years, Trey, had Aspergers Syndrome. And though wildly unpredictable in his temperament, I found his mind to be brilliant in it's own unique way. With my little group of companions, I was generally happy. And yet, even with children so young, growing challenges from bullies forced my parents to reconsider my schooling situation.
Holy Trinity Catholic School was the institution they chose as the solution to my troubles. After all, in their mind, a private school with a religious background must be far more positive for the children than the public system. This, in second and third grade, became two of the most difficult years of my life even to this day. Stepping into the courtyard of that church for wednesday mass, my sensitive intuition reawakened with a vengeance. I myself not being Catholic, was forced to sit in the back, deemed to be unworthy of communion. I watched the priest read from the bible. I heard him speak about eternal life, and yet all I could feel was death. I could not understand what was wrong with me. Why would god send his only son to die on a cross? What would that accomplish? And what was my purpose in life if I was nothing but a miserable sinner? Thanks to the comments of a few passing teachers, I learned that since I was not a catholic, I was in fact going to hell. The fear of eternal damnation shook me to the core, I spiralled into the depths of despair. Every evening for years, my dreams were filled with nightmares of shadowy figures and demonic serpents damning me to eternal suffering.
As dramatic as it all seems, in my young mind it was reality. After considerable begging, my parents took me out of school for the 4th, 5th, and 6th grades to be homeschooled. This did indeed improve my life dramatically, and in an effort to combat these horrific nightmares and beliefs that had been troubling me for so long, I became obsessed with paleontology and science. As a budding scientist and newly converted to the modern scientific materialist movement, I scoffed at any idea of god. In "his" place, Athiesm became my new religion, where Charles Darwin took the title of Messiah, and Jesus was regulated to a fairy tale. I often found myself engaged in heated arguments with christians about the fallacy of their ideas. Often incredulous as to why a 10 or 11 year old had the audacity to challenge them, the arguments usually ended abruptly and with a patronizing air that irritated me to the bone.
For a few years this continued, during this time, my mother was an entrepreneur building a successful business. Inspired by her success, my attention shifted from science to entrepreneurship. On one of our family vacations which became more and more common, I had a moment of deep inspiration. Standing on the top of a volcano in Hawaii, the memory reemerged of that four year old commiting to changing the world. From that singular moment the promise awakened an inner drive to create, to serve, and to grow. On my mother's path to business success, she amassed quite the collection of spiritual and self help books. Being homeschooled in 8th and 9th grade and having plenty of time on my hands, I dove into reading. I read the Dhammapada, Tao Te Ching, and other spiritual and religious texts. Though I was intrigued, feeling something deeper stirring within my heart, I was not yet transformed. Then, one day I was reading "Wishes Fulfilled" by Dr. Wayne Dyer, a spiritual author who I admired greatly. He mentioned a work from the 1930s, called the I AM Discourses. Intrigued by his recommendation, I hopped onto Amazon and ordered "Unveiled Mysteries", the first book in the series. Here, my world absolutely changed forever. From the first pages, a lifelong weight lifted from my shoulders. The honeyed words of wisdom transformed my soul with a spiritual alchemy. Poetry from the past and memories of past lives flooded my inner space. The depression and anxiety of my youth melted away like butter on a warm stove. In my heart I felt I was home, and I completely dove into the mystical. The various teachings I began to absorb and study from that point on consumed me. For years I spent the majority of my day in meditation and study. Connecting with dear friends on a similar path all across the world, I felt a definite purpose to my work and growth. I also started a nonprofit organization, began competing in CrossFit competitions, and was accepted into business accelerator programs for entrepreneurs.
Then, at the age of 18, I heard a call from God. My non profit organization was not making progress and seemingly hitting walls at every turn. My board of directors were on the way out and the stress mounted to almost unbelievable levels. Then, I finally surrendered, and to my great surprise the call came forth for me to follow in my mother's footsteps. Joining her business, I sought to integrate what I had learned with the outer world. The nonprofit world had not been successful for me, so in my mind, I thought that perhaps the for profit world would be.
Auspicious times indeed, the first week into my business, I connected with and became close friends with the woman who would become my wife. Little did I know it at the time, from the moment she saw me, she knew we were meant to be. I suspect the reader will surmise that I attained success quickly in my new business. However, this certainly wasn't the case. In the beginning, I was indeed successful, my passion and vision attracted many people and my team grew quickly (and my confidence along with it). That is, until it wasn't. A few scathing and misplaced comments from friends and family allowed in the poison of doubt. Ah, nothing will kill a dream faster than doubt, so guard yourself from it as you would guard a child from a blade. This newly acquired poison of ignorance sent me through years of going around in circles. Some victories came along the way. I married the love of my life, we had a child together, our little Sage. And she attained great success in our business while I took care of our little one and focused on spiritual work. Everything seemed lovely, externally surely it was. Yet a growing absence of peace infiltrated my inner space. My soul cried out, and once again, the questions of purpose confronted me squarely in the face.
"Why am I here?" "What purpose is there for me on this earth?" and fear of missing out all surrounded me. I saw the child of 10, frightened and alone, not knowing what was real or where to go. I felt all the little insecurities I had pushed down throughout the years. I felt the stress of being a new father and husband weighing heavily on my heart. Depression and anxiety plagued me like an uninvited guest. I prayed for over a year for clarity, for some form of deliverance from my conflict. Yet, no answer was heard. Feeling utterly alone, uninspired, and disconnected from myself and God, I sat in silence. No thought crossing my mind, no prayer being uttered, no goal to be had. Just myself, in that moment.
And in that moment, the voice of the divine mother spoke to me. She told me that it was no longer enough to know. No longer enough to work for myself. To acquire wealth, to seek love, or to grow spiritually for myself only. Her voice like a heavenly dove, said that the only way for me to banish my sorrow, was to serve her children on this earth. To help raise up the all, and to let go of all that I thought I was. Only from that place could I be free to transcend. And so, she told me to write my story thusfar. And even though it is but a small portion of my experience, if it was able to help one person, one soul, then it was time well spent.
My story, so far....
Dylan Dreiling
Prone to overwhelming obsessions from toddlerhood, I sat in my crib with dozens of books scattered all around. Books about tractors, airplanes and dinosaurs were the single pointed focus of my attention. With my sidekick Molly (the family cat), I created my own world to live in. One of dinosaurs roaming free, great adventures to be had, and discoveries to be made. Years sped by, into preschool and kindergarten, I found it difficult to make friends. Kids in my grade generally kept a safe distance from me, and I, while somewhat hurt by their aloofness, generally found myself the steward and friend of the other unpopular children. My closest friend through these years, Trey, had Aspergers Syndrome. And though wildly unpredictable in his temperament, I found his mind to be brilliant in it's own unique way. With my little group of companions, I was generally happy. And yet, even with children so young, growing challenges from bullies forced my parents to reconsider my schooling situation.
Holy Trinity Catholic School was the institution they chose as the solution to my troubles. After all, in their mind, a private school with a religious background must be far more positive for the children than the public system. This, in second and third grade, became two of the most difficult years of my life even to this day. Stepping into the courtyard of that church for wednesday mass, my sensitive intuition reawakened with a vengeance. I myself not being Catholic, was forced to sit in the back, deemed to be unworthy of communion. I watched the priest read from the bible. I heard him speak about eternal life, and yet all I could feel was death. I could not understand what was wrong with me. Why would god send his only son to die on a cross? What would that accomplish? And what was my purpose in life if I was nothing but a miserable sinner? Thanks to the comments of a few passing teachers, I learned that since I was not a catholic, I was in fact going to hell. The fear of eternal damnation shook me to the core, I spiralled into the depths of despair. Every evening for years, my dreams were filled with nightmares of shadowy figures and demonic serpents damning me to eternal suffering.
As dramatic as it all seems, in my young mind it was reality. After considerable begging, my parents took me out of school for the 4th, 5th, and 6th grades to be homeschooled. This did indeed improve my life dramatically, and in an effort to combat these horrific nightmares and beliefs that had been troubling me for so long, I became obsessed with paleontology and science. As a budding scientist and newly converted to the modern scientific materialist movement, I scoffed at any idea of god. In "his" place, Athiesm became my new religion, where Charles Darwin took the title of Messiah, and Jesus was regulated to a fairy tale. I often found myself engaged in heated arguments with christians about the fallacy of their ideas. Often incredulous as to why a 10 or 11 year old had the audacity to challenge them, the arguments usually ended abruptly and with a patronizing air that irritated me to the bone.
For a few years this continued, during this time, my mother was an entrepreneur building a successful business. Inspired by her success, my attention shifted from science to entrepreneurship. On one of our family vacations which became more and more common, I had a moment of deep inspiration. Standing on the top of a volcano in Hawaii, the memory reemerged of that four year old commiting to changing the world. From that singular moment the promise awakened an inner drive to create, to serve, and to grow. On my mother's path to business success, she amassed quite the collection of spiritual and self help books. Being homeschooled in 8th and 9th grade and having plenty of time on my hands, I dove into reading. I read the Dhammapada, Tao Te Ching, and other spiritual and religious texts. Though I was intrigued, feeling something deeper stirring within my heart, I was not yet transformed. Then, one day I was reading "Wishes Fulfilled" by Dr. Wayne Dyer, a spiritual author who I admired greatly. He mentioned a work from the 1930s, called the I AM Discourses. Intrigued by his recommendation, I hopped onto Amazon and ordered "Unveiled Mysteries", the first book in the series. Here, my world absolutely changed forever. From the first pages, a lifelong weight lifted from my shoulders. The honeyed words of wisdom transformed my soul with a spiritual alchemy. Poetry from the past and memories of past lives flooded my inner space. The depression and anxiety of my youth melted away like butter on a warm stove. In my heart I felt I was home, and I completely dove into the mystical. The various teachings I began to absorb and study from that point on consumed me. For years I spent the majority of my day in meditation and study. Connecting with dear friends on a similar path all across the world, I felt a definite purpose to my work and growth. I also started a nonprofit organization, began competing in CrossFit competitions, and was accepted into business accelerator programs for entrepreneurs.
Then, at the age of 18, I heard a call from God. My non profit organization was not making progress and seemingly hitting walls at every turn. My board of directors were on the way out and the stress mounted to almost unbelievable levels. Then, I finally surrendered, and to my great surprise the call came forth for me to follow in my mother's footsteps. Joining her business, I sought to integrate what I had learned with the outer world. The nonprofit world had not been successful for me, so in my mind, I thought that perhaps the for profit world would be.
Auspicious times indeed, the first week into my business, I connected with and became close friends with the woman who would become my wife. Little did I know it at the time, from the moment she saw me, she knew we were meant to be. I suspect the reader will surmise that I attained success quickly in my new business. However, this certainly wasn't the case. In the beginning, I was indeed successful, my passion and vision attracted many people and my team grew quickly (and my confidence along with it). That is, until it wasn't. A few scathing and misplaced comments from friends and family allowed in the poison of doubt. Ah, nothing will kill a dream faster than doubt, so guard yourself from it as you would guard a child from a blade. This newly acquired poison of ignorance sent me through years of going around in circles. Some victories came along the way. I married the love of my life, we had a child together, our little Sage. And she attained great success in our business while I took care of our little one and focused on spiritual work. Everything seemed lovely, externally surely it was. Yet a growing absence of peace infiltrated my inner space. My soul cried out, and once again, the questions of purpose confronted me squarely in the face.
"Why am I here?" "What purpose is there for me on this earth?" and fear of missing out all surrounded me. I saw the child of 10, frightened and alone, not knowing what was real or where to go. I felt all the little insecurities I had pushed down throughout the years. I felt the stress of being a new father and husband weighing heavily on my heart. Depression and anxiety plagued me like an uninvited guest. I prayed for over a year for clarity, for some form of deliverance from my conflict. Yet, no answer was heard. Feeling utterly alone, uninspired, and disconnected from myself and God, I sat in silence. No thought crossing my mind, no prayer being uttered, no goal to be had. Just myself, in that moment.
And in that moment, the voice of the divine mother spoke to me. She told me that it was no longer enough to know. No longer enough to work for myself. To acquire wealth, to seek love, or to grow spiritually for myself only. Her voice like a heavenly dove, said that the only way for me to banish my sorrow, was to serve her children on this earth. To help raise up the all, and to let go of all that I thought I was. Only from that place could I be free to transcend. And so, she told me to write my story thusfar. And even though it is but a small portion of my experience, if it was able to help one person, one soul, then it was time well spent.
My story, so far....
Dylan Dreiling